


This Clouded Mind

by aesyoo



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Other, Rain, Self-Harm, Selfless, daydream, lonely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 03:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20057494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aesyoo/pseuds/aesyoo
Summary: I'm not feeling so good...Is it all just in my head?





	This Clouded Mind

**Author's Note:**

> hello~ I'm not a great writer. Not even a amateur. I will write short fics in the future maybe but I'm not sure yet...I really dislike the way I write. If you come across this then I wish you happiness (:

It's raining again and I'm wondering if I'll enjoy it this time without crying. '_How Sad' , _says one of the voices in my head. I snort as I kick one of the rocks in my way while lazily walking. I glance to my right and left before looking up. Habit. The clouds look like they'll yell at me. They've turned so dark and gloomy. The sun is nowhere to be seen. It feels chilly but the cold gushes of wind feel so good on my skin. If I think a little harder this feeling might be euphoric. I look down at the concrete and dots of rain are peppering it. Looks so lovely. Nobody out in the streets. This is good. The sidewalks turn dark as the rain turns heavy and big droplets of rain are hitting every surface it can. I'm slowly getting drenched but that doesn't stop me from starting to skip and twirl in the rain. I feel giddy and my laughs don't stop. I'm out of breathe and my throat feels scratchy all of a sudden. They want it to stop. Why can't I have fun for a little bit longer...

* * *

I'm curled up on the bathroom rug. Why is everything hurting _this_ bad? I can't move a limb for shit. It's so fuckin' cold suddenly. My hands are shaking and my lips won't stop quivering. I can't call for help. Only hope that it all passes soon. '_weak ass human', _I hear one of them say and the comforting silence breaks along with the sob that rips out of me. "get out....GET OUT OF MY HEAD", I scream with all the strength I can muster. I receive a sinister laugh and I want to cut my ears off. I want my ears gone so I don't have to hear those voices ever again. But I know I'll miss all those sounds that don't hurt me. The sounds that give me comfort and affection. The sound of my footsteps on dead leaves. The sound of heavy and soft rain. The sound of a cat purring. It's a long list and the more things I can think of the more it hurts. It still won't put me out of my misery. Am I being delusional? Why are there cuts all over my inner thighs and neck? I'm sure it wasn't all my doing. They hate me so much. The clock is ticking so loudly in my ears now. I want to break it to pieces and curse it out. Does the clock know how much anxiety it gives me? It won't stop time until I break it. Time doesn't stop and neither does my clouded mind.

**Author's Note:**

> (: I hope life is going smoothly for you or that it will.  
If you want to tell me about your desires and etc then here's my twt username: @aesyoo


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